Heaven... or Hell...?

Deep into that   
 darkness peering,
long I stood there,
wondering...  
fearing...          
doubting...      

Edgar Allan Poe                    

November 21 2005

March 16 2005

 there are things that suck, and things that suck a lot. actually, in my life, I find both of them. however, I can find very good stuff too. but right now, the bad ones are pushing me harder, and it hurts.
I'll get over it, of course. but I feel very, very sad at this moment. and wanna vanish, actually. but tomorrow I'll be one driving class away from my driver's licence. and although I couldn't see her today... I know I'll see her some other day. maybe tomorrow. maybe not. but I was gonna say I loved her today. and I couldn't, and for that I was afraid. I don't trust life very much you know, it's really a tricky thing. you never know when yours will reach the end. anything could happen to make it come sonner than you expect. from a drunk motoboy to a bolt strike, there are a lot of things.
that's why I wanna live just as if my life would come to an end tomorrow. enjoy it as much as possible. tell poeple you love 'em every day. wish them good, for you could not be there for them tomorrow.

good night, and good bye

January 11 2005

I've just watched Fahrenheit 9/11, and I have a conclusion: I hate Bush more than ever. why didn't I hate him this much before? because I had some hope he'd done all that also for stupidity. not ONLY for money.

I've just been through a 10-hour hell, and I'm exausted. Applying to College really makes you tired. I had 3 exams: 9th, 10th and 11th, today. Portuguese, History and Geography, in the same sequence. Every day after the exam I went out with some friends, so I could relax enough to keep going. My friends are what keep me going, they support me to what I need to do.
I love 'em all. Hope they know that.

Thanks.

December 25 2004

Merry Xmas, people... it's been really a long time since I said that for the last time. hope you all have a great day, EVERYDAY you last from now... just live and be happy, that's all you need. ;)

bye bye

December 23 2004

just one last day near some of the people I like, that's all I wanted, that's all I needed. and I had it. this was a good day indeed, and I enjoyed it at most. didn't care about what other people thought, but maintained some limits. just... I'm happy. don't really know what to say...
tomorrow is christmas day, so enjoy it.

good night.

if you read this, I'm sorry, lady. once again.

December 21 2004

meh... I'm simply happy. we had fun, she liked my christmas present, and I spent some time with some of my friends. although, I miss my other friends. Kiki, Dudu, Dan, those friends.
but we'll get back together. maybe not right now, but we'll be together again in the future.
for now, I'm happy she likes me too.

good night.

December 20 2004

I'm just tired of being everything I need to be, and nothing I want to be. of having no freedom to make my own decisions, to live my life.

I do study, I do spend time doing the things I need, like studying, but people just don't see me doing those, so they don't believe.

I'm tired of being what the others want. but I don't think the world today leaves me any choice at all.

December 19 2004

yeah, Christmas is coming, everybody is waiting savagely for their presents, complaining about not getting that laptop they wanted, cursing and swearing anyone who gets something better than they did...

humanity sucks, and a lot. but there's still hope, I hope... never give up, that's all I have to say, to you and to myself. just... please, try not to be like everyone else, try to love those beside you, try to miss those who are away, who are lost and confused.

although no one recalls that, Christmas is still the day for loving each other, for telling the truth, for doing good things.

which by the way should be everyday, but let's start from the begining.

live, and be happy.



good night, yo brows.

well, let's try to do this again, starting from scratch. but be sure I won't update the template, 'cause it is too much of a big big trouble. this template SUCKS inside, it's source is almost falling apart with the trash found inside.
affe, I'm going to live. not be stuck in here, reviving this thing.

bye bye

May 31 2004

what can I say? I think I'm leaving this blog to the hyenas right now. I don't know what to right, neither what to think. in case you want to see some of my writing in portuguese, I'll be telling you an adress in the future.

byebye

April 24 2004

what a shame, this blog has been abandoned, and I have no strenght right now to put it up again... sorry guys.

April 14 2004

April 12 2004

nhaft... I HATE those weird posts which doesn't fit on the table but doesn't try to fix it either.
        ||
        V
what the hell did I write here? did someone understand that thing?

April 11 2004

I just found something out about my computer... I simply CAN'T configure it to show 256 colors, it doesn't have this option! bad thing, 'cause I needed to see if I could help a friend using 256 colors.... damn it. some things come for evil...

"Hi, Easter bunny, what do you bring?
One, two, three eggs like this?"

hello, I just came back. and I miss everyone, I really want to go to school tomorrow just to talk to my friends, to know how they are doing... well I want lots more than that, but I can't have everything, so I'll have to be happy just to hear my other friends' voices. ^^ it's enough, something already! nhaft, all I have to tell you is that my trip was great... we did almost everything, mostly talk about things. but the high point was deciding we are going together to DigiPen, a gaming university. I'm not telling you much more than this, it's not funny. mwahaUahuahuAhua.

good night everyone, hope you had a great Easter!!!

Brazil is not hopeless, we can still put ourselves up!! I went to Holambra with Dudu and I found glass
Coca Cola bottles!!! there's still hope for us! people are starting to THINK again!!!

April 8 2004

"The essence, the basics,
without it you make it.."

I'm going away today and will be back Sunday after lunch. take care you all, 'cause I miss you already. got thing it's gonna be just a few days. well gonna have breakfast....

bye bye, have a nice Easter.

April 5 2004

I was writing about how I hate my dad, but this fuckin' browser erased the entire text, like the water erases letters written in the sand. I hope it happens to my soul too, or it'llbe simply impossible to live in this house together with my dad. I almost died today because of him.... but I'm not writing it in details, let's just say I fell down the staircase to the laundry. luckily my shirt got stuck on the wall and I could get hold again.

have a terrible night, bye.

April 4 2004

*How do I get there from here?
How do I make you see?
How do I tell you what my heart's been telling me..?*

damn it, I really don't want to be here... I wanna be there, at Dan's party, with my friends, away from school thoughts! I wanna be away from my mind, from my thoughts, from my needs. I was invited to go to Holambra with Dudu next weekend, but I ain't going... instead I'm staying here to help my mom organize her office, I only hope she stays calm while I'm around... although that's not a very usual thing. I think I have any kind of anger attractor, 'cause whenever I'm around she's pissed off with everything.. nhaft. I'm not very well today, I'm tired and really sad, really mad, really needy. but I cannot fix not even one of these things, so I guess my only escape is to go to bed, hug Stubs tight and sleep, remembering my good moments.

bye... have a good night. I guess I won't.

March 30 2004

suddenly I lost the mood to right anything here today... damn. this thing is going down, and I'm doing nothing to hold it. but I'm really confused these days, completely lost. I need to find myself, I just don't know where to start looking.
byebye, good night people.